Around town with Mary Giuliano

The other day someone commented that I “hated” an individual for criticism expressed towards me.

I laughed at their perception because I’m not one to hate, but the statement brought back memories of a remark made some time ago. I wasn’t aware that I used common phrases such as “I love this” or “don’t you hate that,” until a few years ago when in casual conversation with a friend I found myself articulating one of those phrases.

Turning towards me in surprise; head tilted, eyes wide, in a gentle voice she said,   “You shouldn’t use such a strong word as hate.”

Flustered, I excused myself saying “I really don’t mean I hate that, it’s just an expression.”  “But the word hate conveys such negativity,” she responded quietly, “it really isn’t needed in conversation.” At home I found my dictionary, The Concise Oxford Dictionary of Current English that I have kept since I was in high school. I looked up the word, hate, and read “to have a strong dislike of, bear malice to.”

As children my friends and I would sing a little ditty when other kids were rude. “Sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me.” Intuitively we knew they were hurting us but didn’t want to admit it.

Words can hurt or they can heal. Life is a journey of learning, as long as we are alive, learning never ends and this path is not generally even. Growth unfolds in twists and turns but as writer Louise L. Hay says, “I find that the more willing I am to be grateful for the small things in life, the bigger stuff just seems to show up from unexpected sources and I am constantly looking forward to each with all the surprises that keep coming my way.”

I believe in every circumstance in life we have a choice to take what is thrown at us and use it for growth to become a better person. This past week a long-time friend of the Italian community passed away. Rosa Gentile was one of the most caring, giving people I have ever known, someone who absolutely used negative experiences in her life to grow in a positive manner. While still living in Italy she was left a young widow with four small children. Her husband had immigrated to Fernie in the early fifties looking for the dream of building a better future for his family. Instead he died unexpectedly, leaving Rosa without financial support.  Eventually her brother Beny Mangone sponsored her here with the two oldest children while the two younger ones were placed in an orphanage until she had the financial ability to send for them.

Rosa worked hard at many menial jobs to gather enough funds to purchase a small house that her talented son Luigi remodelled, a house she lived in until a couple of weeks before her death. What I remember most about this wonderful lady was her generosity of heart and goods. There wasn’t a girl that wanted ears pierced that Rosa said no to. There wasn’t a person who visited her that left empty handed.

She was a regular volunteer at church functions such as Italian Night dinners and Italian bake sales. She made countless Italian pastries and gave them away and she also taught everyone who wanted to learn how to make them by going to their homes and doing the lesson first hand. On speaking with my uncle Ottavio who was a good friend of hers he commented that while in Italy Rosa helped everyone there as well, she would go at night to administer medication because she was the only one who could give a needle shot, he said. This was at a time when it was difficult to find nursing care in a small Calabrian village but Rosa was asked to do it and she did it with a smile, volunteering for  many individuals and organizations, all coming  from the heart.

Her passing is a blow to what used to be a very vibrant Italian community in Fernie for decades. Rosa held a special place in the hearts of many here and she will be missed. Sincere condolences to children Louis and Louise, Frank and Cathy, John, Maria and Beny Leo and brother Beny and all the families.