The Parent Trip

By Shelby Cain

Lately I have come across some products for kids that have left me saying really? The way I figure it, there can be only one reason the inventors would do this to us.  These people have NO KIDS.


Top Five Worst Inventions for Kids

  1. Glow-In-The-Dark Pajamas - If you happened to read my previous article on bedtime, you know the circus that is occurring here when I’m trying to get the kids to sleep.  So the last thing we need when we actually get the lights turned out is an entire fluorescent solar system covering my child’s body that just begs to be paraded around the room in a streak of cheers and adrenaline.  Perfect.
  2. Life-Like Dolls– A friend bought us a new, very lifelike doll.  The other day I found myself pouring water into it so that it would pee and spit-up.  Which it promptly did.  All over my clothes.  Later that night I sprang from my bed and sprinted to the basement because I heard one of the girls crying.  Yes, you guessed it.  It was Little Miss Wets-Me-a-Lot.  I’m sorry, but the last thing on earth I need is a toy that makes messes and cries in the night.  Are you kidding me? (P.S. Thanks friend-it’s the thought that counts!)
  3. Energy Drink Slurpees – Come on people.  Give us parents a break.  Let me say that yes, they’re labeled.  But guess what, not all kids helping themselves to a yummy green slurpee can read!  The amount of sugar alone in a slurpee is enough to have my kids bouncing off the walls for hours, but add in the caffeine equivalent of a pot of coffee and you’re in for a crash that would rival the Christmas you tried to split three ways.  Yikes.
  4. Children’s Bubble Bath – My girls love princesses.  So for a special treat I bought this really beautiful bottle of bubble bath with princesses on it.  That night we ran the bath and I poured a generous dollop of the pink, floral, magic princess soap into the water.  It foamed up perfectly and the girls jumped in.  They LOVED it.  As I sat next to the tub enjoying their joyous giggles I glanced at the back of the bottle.  The ingredient list read like a toxic chemical spill.  At the bottom of the extended list of carcinogens was a warning that said prolonged exposure to the princesses may cause urinary tract infections.  No.  I’m not kidding.
  5. Little Girls Perfumery Set – Make your own perfume for three-year-olds.  I don’t think I need to elaborate on this one.  Remember that one time you got in that elevator?  You get it.


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