President Donald Trump points to a member of the audience before being introduced during a "Made in America," product showcase featuring items created in each of the U.S. 50 states, at the White House, Monday, July 17, 2017, in Washington. (AP Photo/Alex Brandon)

What should we offer the godfather?

Earlier this year, Japanese technology company Sharp agreed to build a $7 billion factory in the United States

The investment could reportedly create as many as 700,000 U.S. jobs.

In April, Ivanka Trump’s company got approval from the Chinese government to sell her brand jewellery, bags and spa services the day she dined with Chinese President Xi Jinping.

In May, the United States signed a multibillion-dollar arms deal with Saudi Arabia. The agreement is worth about $350 billion over 10 years.

Later that month, the Saudis and the United Arab Emirates said they would donate $100 million to a World Bank fund for women entrepreneurs that had been proposed by Ivanka Trump.

Earlier this year, B.C. Premier Christy Clark asked Ottawa to ban thermal coal exports from the province’s ports in retaliation for the U.S. imposing new softwood lumber tariffs.

She couched the proposal in environmental terms but what she wanted was the Americans to retreat from another softwood lumber dispute.

“We had an obligation to be good trading partners with our trading partners in the United States. They are no longer good trading partners to Canada, so that means that we’re free to make sure that we ban filthy thermal coal from B.C. ports. And I’m hoping that the federal government will support us in doing that,” said Clark in a statement.

Judging by the latest examples of how international affairs are handled under the Trump administration, I feel like the Americans are looking for a handout. Clark misjudged, taking a retaliatory approach is not the new way.

The question is: what does British Columbia need to give to the Americans to be excluded from the recently implemented softwood lumber tariffs?

What do we have to offer the godfather, Don Trump or members of his family? I’m sure they only want to wet their beaks.

One thing we could do is give them Adams Island, which is an uninhabited island off the northeast coast of Baffin Island in the Canadian Arctic Archipelago. It’s not much but it’s the thought that counts and the word ‘archipelago’ almost rhymes with Mar-a-Lago so maybe Trump will think the place is fancier than it is.

Alternatively, we could give them all our Canadian celebrities. Pamela Anderson, Jim Carrey, Mike Meyers and even that national treasure Justin Bieber. We could call Washington and say they’re theirs now. Most of them already live in Beverly Hills anyway.

We could also give Trump a statue of himself made of good Canadian cheese: don’t ask me why I think this might work, I just have a feeling.

We could always go the safe road and follow the Chinese example by purchasing an inordinate supply of Ivanka brand handbags and spa passes.

Her Hopewell Perforated Leather Crossbody looks particularly appealing. We could buy them by the million and distribute them to citizens as Canada 150 birthday presents.